Back in Feb I spent a few days in the hospital and since then I have been crazy busy 24/7. This week my body is really feeling it and I need to slow down a bit or I will be back in there. Life is a bit insane right now. I am starting to think it is too much for me handle. Feels like everything is falling apart.
I have no idea how I am going to handle 2 kids. Admitting I am terrified now is an understatement. June is coming fast. I have nothing ready. Feel like screaming.
Been working long hours, I could pull 50+ hour weeks prior to pregnancy but now it is literally hurting me. I am tired all the time and can't think straight anymore. Feels like no matter what I do there it is never good enough. The one thing I have been excited about is jumping back into QA - dorky thing to say but I love it.
My little Rock Star has been having some impressive tantrums... hope it is a phase that she will move past in a week or so. I don't get the stalling at bedtime every night. She knows the routine. To be 3 again.
Ahh and then there is my husband. What to say about him. I really have nothing good to say so I will stop here.
Add selling a house to all of this and you get a very stressed person. I need to somehow relax but not sure if I can. Tonight we heard a bunch of sirens and took Cait out to see what was going on, all the local fire engines and police with a parade of motorcycles and cars were going through the neighborhood. They all stopped just up the street from our house. One of the kids on the street got home from Iraq and there was a huge celebration for him. For some reason all of it bothered me... not in a bad way, just emotional.
Tomorrow is a new day. I get the old ticker checked out. Feels like it is getting worse now. Heart is racing all the time and it is hard to breathe. When I lay down I get a weird sensation like blood is flowing out of where it should be. Hope they say it is just in my head but I will get the echo cardiogram results. I'm not so worried about the murmur, just the excessive fluid surrounding it.
Time to fight the insomnia and try to sleep.